Knee Slappers

I was going to describe an intricate musical term to you today  but about halfway through I gave myself a headache with all my backtracking and defining. So! I am going to rewrite it better for you at a later date, promise ;) For now I would like to share with you something that musician's everywhere are familiar with.

No matter where you go there is a certain rivalry between instruments. Rivalry is kind of strong but it is the closest I can come to describing it. For example there are the basics: Winds vs. Strings (though this often goes unnoticed because outside of the professional world they rarely have to deal with each other), Woodwinds vs. Brass, and High end vs. Low end. Within each section there is always the one instrument type that gets picked on-the nerd of the bunch if you will. For strings it seems to be Viola and for winds it seems to be either of the double reeds (bassoon mostly and sometimes oboe).

As much as these divisions are part of the musician's world so are the music jokes. There are standard ones that can be used again and again with different instruments each time such as:

What's the difference between a (insert instrument here: most commonly Bassoon or Viola) and a trampoline? You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline.

But there are also ones that are specific to their instruments such as:

How do you get two piccolos to play in tune? Shoot one. (hahaha-ug).

Certain instruments get joked about for different things. Flutes and piccolos: out of tune or divas, Trumpets: huge egos, Trombones: loud and unemployable, Drummers: Unable to keep time, Saxophones: horrible sound....and the list goes on.

But whatever the joke and whatever the instrument the punch lines are worn out, well know, and a part of the music world. So I present some of the classics to you tonight, enjoy (and keep in mind I have nothing against any of these instruments and that often the instruments in these jokes can be switched out for others):

Why is a bassoon better than an oboe?
The bassoon burns longer.

What's the difference between a saxophone and a lawn mower?
Lawn mowers sound better in small ensemles.
The neighbors are upset if you borrow a lawnmower and don't return it.
The grip.

What's the difference between a Trumpet player and the rear end of a horse?
I don't know either.

What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds?
Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.

How can you tell which kid on a playground is the child of a trombonist?
He doesn't know how to use the slide, and he can't swing.

What is a gentleman?
Somebody who knows how to play the trombone, but doesn't.

What's the range of a tuba?
Twenty yards if you've got a good arm!

Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?
So you don't have to retrain the drummers.

Very Punny

He tried to play the shoehorn but got only footnotes.